We are proud citizens of the modern world. It is fitting, then, that we have a worthy way to document our fast-paced lives, to capture our most important moments and offer them up for public consumption.

 

Instagram has revolutionized the “capture EVERYTHING” spirit of the modern age and introduced us to the wonders of the artful selfie (seriously). To truly capture the Instaspirit and enable you to achieve your best Instaself, your correspondent has assembled a quick “day in the life” Instaguide to open up the wonders of an Insta-centric existence.

 

6:00 – Snap A Selfie With The Sunrise

LOL who are we kidding? Sunrises are overrated, and you’re still dreaming of fairy boats and absinthe. If anyone wants to find you, you’ll be eating pillow for the next three hours.

 

9:00 –Snap a Selfie With Your Bedhead

The alarm is blaring an ill-advised remix of the Rolling Stones “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” as reimagined by Skrillex after a night of bad decisions. Your state of mind takes a stab at capturing a stray thought or so, bellows “NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE” and collapses on itself.

Ten minutes later, and you’ve blearily forced your eyes into a position that could roughly be defined as “open.” You’re sitting there struggling to piece together a cohesive view of your ceiling fan when you feel the soulful call of Instagram resonating in the very depths of your soul.

You roll over, grab your trusty cellphone / entire universe and snap a selfie in all your morning glory. It captures most of that Beatles poster you hung on your wall to prove that you “know” “good” “music” and yes, your face makes a supporting appearance as well.

You caption it with a quick “Just wk woerighq3r-9gih3t4gh” and throw it up for the world to see.

Now you’re ready to face the day.

 

9:30 – Snap A Cereal Shot

You’re mulling the news that Lebron James is going back to Cleveland over a bowl of what you’re pretty sure is Raisin Bran, and it’s started a chain reaction of deep reflections on fame, the passage of time, the existential malaise that runs through all of life and turtles.

You’re feeling somber and artsy, so you take a snap of your bowl with sunlight streaming through the kitchen window. You select a suitably moody filter and caption it “My heart has feelings #deep #honest #emotions #tellitlikeitis #truth”, which is valid.

Hurry up! You’re late for work.

 

9:45 – Car Selfie

You’re stuck behind a slow-moving pick-up truck, and it’s making your fifteen-second drive to the office drag out to a minute and a half. You snap a self-pitying selfie with an appropriately mournful pout and tag it “This traffic tho #slow #sobad #hardships #positivethoughts #butnoreallythissucks” before throwing your phone in the back seat in a panic as a cop car speeds past.

At the office, you check your feed. Three likes and a comment on your car duckface! The comment’s from your cousin, and reads “ANDERSON COOPER!!!!!!!!” which is kind of a non-sequiter but you forgive him because it’s still early. Your self-esteem chugs upward.

 

2:45 – Witty Coffee Break Group Selfie

You’re milling around in the break room with your fellow corporate denizens, and someone tapes his nostril to his forehead with a piece of Scotch tape. This is high humor and pretty much screams Instagram immortality. You set up a quick group selfie with the jokester in the center and everyone else pulling some exaggerated facial expressions. You tag it “Break room shenanigans with these hilarious folks #funny #goodtimes #goofy #ipromiseweactuallydowork” You upload happily, secure in the knowledge that you’ve captured a surefire Instahit.

 

5:30 – Obligatory Nature Snap

You’re on your way home from work and you notice how the lowering sun is painting the cloud edges a smooth, soulful orange and pink. This puts you in a spiritual mood, which of course demands an Instamoment. You take a picture of nature’s evening symphony and tag it with the appropriate reverence spiced with just a dash of your trademark original wit.

“God has an Instagram, too! #beautiful #wow #nice #humbled #blessed”

 

 

9:30 – Get Ready Snap

It’s time to hit the club for the evening with your (insert gender-specific term for “best friends”), and your dashing club clothes are shouting at you to take a selfie in the mirror. You happily oblige, because damn.

You caption it with a rousing “GET IT #thuglife #thuglife #thuglife #thuglife #thuglife #thuglife #thuglife”

 

Some Ungodly Hour – Medley of Increasingly Blurry Pictures Indicating Just How Much Fun You’re Having Because Instagram Must Know

You roll into bed, happy and exhausted. Before you drift off to sleep, you throw up a collage of your night’s favorite pictures. Most of them managed to capture at least part of your face and/or part of the drink you were consuming. You’re a bit too inebriated to think up a proper caption, so you revert to the classics as your eyelids droop shut.

“#YOLO”

 

How do you document your days on Instagram? Do you love or hate watching people’s lives play out on your screen? Start the discussion in the comments below or connect with me on Twitter @aa_murph